Grief Awareness Week offers a vital opportunity to acknowledge the pain of loss, foster understanding, and provide a supportive community for those who are grieving. Below, our Head of Research, Kirsty Mclardy shares her personal experiences of grief and offers guidance on managing grief in the workplace.
Unfortunately, grief is universal, and something everyone will experience at some point in their life. A few weeks ago marked the first anniversary of the sudden passing of my Dad, and that, alongside the fact that it is Grief Awareness Week from the 2nd – 8th December, has led me to reflect on the past year and the things that have helped me to manage my grief in the workplace.
Being Transparent with Colleagues about Grief
Despite death being an inevitable part of life, and 24% of the working population in the UK experiencing grief within the past year (according to Sue Ryder), it is not something that most people feel comfortable openly discussing.
For me, sadly a number of my colleagues had been through similar losses, some very recently, so were more comfortable discussing their own grief and empathising with mine. This was hugely comforting to me, not only as I was able to openly talk about how I felt with people who understood, but they were able to share their own experiences with me too.
One thing I found is that everyone experiences grief in different ways, and through sharing experiences, you can gain a level of comfort that there is no ‘right’ way to do things. Responses to grief can vary from emotional and psychological to physical, and these can occur straight after loss, or for a long period of time after; so an element of patience from those closest to the grieving individual is required. Shock, numbness, confusion, anger and overwhelm are all common emotions experienced after a loss.
Personally, I was grateful for the patience afforded to me as I dealt with some of the emotional symptoms, as well as some challenging physical symptoms in the early days. What also helped when I was ready, however, was being around people and having what felt like ‘normal’ conversations and interactions. It is important to be there for individuals experiencing grief, letting them know they can talk about things if they want to, but also letting them know it’s okay if they don’t want to.
Processing Grief On Your Own Terms
When I first learned of my Dad’s sudden death, I downed tools and was able to walk away from work instantly, knowing that my team would pick everything up in my absence. As time went on and the immediate things had been dealt with and I started to think about work again, I was grateful that my manager allowed me the freedom to decide what was right for me.
I was offered more time and support, but it came to a point when I knew I needed some form of routine again and, truthfully, a distraction. I had the autonomy to pick up what I wanted, when I wanted, to ease my transition back into work. I was reassured and prompted regularly to take more time and support if I needed it, which I accepted after the funeral, but having a purpose again was really beneficial for me.
Of course, grief is not linear. Although for the most part, people are accurate in suggesting that time is a healer, there are still tough days. Anniversaries, birthdays and significant dates will come around every year, but the days I have found hardest are the random ones – days where grief hits for no reason whatsoever. Therefore, I think it’s important to offer flexibility and understanding at work, creating an environment where colleagues can be open and honest with each other. This means that if those hard days hit and they are struggling, they feel comfortable doing what is required to get through that day, whether that be cancelling meetings, working from home or taking the day off.
Although it may change and become less of a prominent feature of my every day as time moves on, I am very conscious that my grief will remain with me for the rest of my life, shaping who I am and how I interact with others, inside and outside of work.
Losing someone so suddenly has changed my perspective on all aspects of life – I have a greater appreciation for what I have, particularly the positive relationships that I hold, even more dearly now; I am even more of an advocate for making memories and capturing them wherever possible; and I probably ‘sweat the small stuff’ less than I used to. I am conscious that I will continue to change and grow as a person, the more I learn from my grief, and through navigating life without my wonderful Dad.
This Grief Awareness Week, we are encouraged to share personal experiences of grief, or offer a listening ear without judgement, to help others feel less alone in their grief journey. If you are struggling with grief, or you know someone who is, Cruse Scotland has some excellent resources surrounding grief and bereavement support.
Managing Grief in the Workplace: A Personal Perspective
Grief Awareness Week offers a vital opportunity to acknowledge the pain of loss, foster understanding, and provide a supportive community for those who are grieving. Below, our Head of Research, Kirsty Mclardy shares her personal experiences of grief and offers guidance on managing grief in the workplace.
Unfortunately, grief is universal, and something everyone will experience at some point in their life. A few weeks ago marked the first anniversary of the sudden passing of my Dad, and that, alongside the fact that it is Grief Awareness Week from the 2nd – 8th December, has led me to reflect on the past year and the things that have helped me to manage my grief in the workplace.
Being Transparent with Colleagues about Grief
Despite death being an inevitable part of life, and 24% of the working population in the UK experiencing grief within the past year (according to Sue Ryder), it is not something that most people feel comfortable openly discussing.
For me, sadly a number of my colleagues had been through similar losses, some very recently, so were more comfortable discussing their own grief and empathising with mine. This was hugely comforting to me, not only as I was able to openly talk about how I felt with people who understood, but they were able to share their own experiences with me too.
One thing I found is that everyone experiences grief in different ways, and through sharing experiences, you can gain a level of comfort that there is no ‘right’ way to do things. Responses to grief can vary from emotional and psychological to physical, and these can occur straight after loss, or for a long period of time after; so an element of patience from those closest to the grieving individual is required. Shock, numbness, confusion, anger and overwhelm are all common emotions experienced after a loss.
Personally, I was grateful for the patience afforded to me as I dealt with some of the emotional symptoms, as well as some challenging physical symptoms in the early days. What also helped when I was ready, however, was being around people and having what felt like ‘normal’ conversations and interactions. It is important to be there for individuals experiencing grief, letting them know they can talk about things if they want to, but also letting them know it’s okay if they don’t want to.
Processing Grief On Your Own Terms
When I first learned of my Dad’s sudden death, I downed tools and was able to walk away from work instantly, knowing that my team would pick everything up in my absence. As time went on and the immediate things had been dealt with and I started to think about work again, I was grateful that my manager allowed me the freedom to decide what was right for me.
I was offered more time and support, but it came to a point when I knew I needed some form of routine again and, truthfully, a distraction. I had the autonomy to pick up what I wanted, when I wanted, to ease my transition back into work. I was reassured and prompted regularly to take more time and support if I needed it, which I accepted after the funeral, but having a purpose again was really beneficial for me.
Of course, grief is not linear. Although for the most part, people are accurate in suggesting that time is a healer, there are still tough days. Anniversaries, birthdays and significant dates will come around every year, but the days I have found hardest are the random ones – days where grief hits for no reason whatsoever. Therefore, I think it’s important to offer flexibility and understanding at work, creating an environment where colleagues can be open and honest with each other. This means that if those hard days hit and they are struggling, they feel comfortable doing what is required to get through that day, whether that be cancelling meetings, working from home or taking the day off.
Although it may change and become less of a prominent feature of my every day as time moves on, I am very conscious that my grief will remain with me for the rest of my life, shaping who I am and how I interact with others, inside and outside of work.
Losing someone so suddenly has changed my perspective on all aspects of life – I have a greater appreciation for what I have, particularly the positive relationships that I hold, even more dearly now; I am even more of an advocate for making memories and capturing them wherever possible; and I probably ‘sweat the small stuff’ less than I used to. I am conscious that I will continue to change and grow as a person, the more I learn from my grief, and through navigating life without my wonderful Dad.
This Grief Awareness Week, we are encouraged to share personal experiences of grief, or offer a listening ear without judgement, to help others feel less alone in their grief journey. If you are struggling with grief, or you know someone who is, Cruse Scotland has some excellent resources surrounding grief and bereavement support.
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